Long lost cousin

One of my favorite scenes from Mio Grasso, Grosso, Greco Matrimonio is when "Ian" admits to having only two cousins. Surely there are other funny moments in this film...but the thought of having just two cousins amazes me.

Just the other weekend I went to pick up my mom at my cousin's bridal shower in Staten Island. Ah yes, Staten Island... home to a different breed of Italians. Just think "Sopranos" with filthy polluted air. Italians are pretty similar no matter where you go. But those on S.I are a whole different story. I'm thinkin it's because of all the fumes from the dumps or something in the water that makes them the way they are....sorry, that was pretty mean.

So I walk into the over-the-top, disgustingly elaborate guido palace where this thing is taking place and find my mom in the midst of a whole slew of middle aged Italian women wearing what looks like something they most likely pulled out of their daughters' closets. My mom grabs my arm and pulls me through to meet the bride... my "cousin" - i use the term lightly. I don't even know this chick. She's the daughter of my mother's cousin and I've met her only once in my life. I congratulate her on her engagement and after thanking me she then patronizes me on how big I've gotten and how grown up I am. And I'm standing there thinking, "No shit, it's been 20 years since I've see you and excuse me, aren't you like, 3 years older than I am??" My mom was just smitten seeing the two of us together. As if we were going to be best friends now? Then I turn around and see this other girl and lo and behold, she's also my cousin. The bride's sister. She has no clue who I am and I can honestly say that I never even knew this girl existed. She looks me up and down and tells me, "I never would've been able to pick you out of a crowd." And then my mom proceeds to point out the family resemblance... I think she may have had one too many drinks at the party...

Then when we're leaving I tell my mom how awkward that whole situation was for me and she yells, "WHY? But you're FAMILY! She's your COUSIN!" ... mmmk ma, you just don't get it.

Honestly, I have too many cousins to count but am I obligated to love them ALL???!